Fresh on the heels of FIDE’s announcement that Saudi Arabia would be “paying tribute” to women’s chess, our illustrious governing body announced new roles for the commissions that run world chess.
Fair Play Commission Head
The new head of the Fair Play Commission will be Igors Rausis. He’ll bring his extensive knowledge of cheat detection to the table and offer advice on how we can peer into any bathroom we need to. He’ll be supported in this role by Tigran Petrosian & Tal Baron (but since I don’t have $100m, not Hans).
Sportsmanship Commission
A new commission will be formed to ensure that all players compete and behave in a sportsmanlike way. Hikaru Nakamura will lead the charge, supported by Baadur Jobava and <insert name, take your pick>.
Women’s Commission
Sadly the “FIDE Commission for Women’s Chess” will have to be disbanded but we trust they’ll figure it out or something.
Ethics Commission
The Ethics Commission will naturally be headed by Sergey Karjakin. And in a fun new development, every complaint will be immortalized in NFT form, that you can purchase for a very reasonable price!
Director for Chess Development
Finally, in a hilarious, unpredictable and not satirical move, FIDE will continue to pay Nigel Short (yes, really) to bethe Director for Chess Development. This grift scam exciting plan will mostly involve Nigel inexplicably travelling to every tropical island on the planet. Wait, this one is real?!? Oh no.
Hey now! No fair! Baadur Jobava is not someone you can ironic!